A new journey begins

This was written many weeks ago, but due to the secrecy of the first 3 months, I'm only able to post it now. Here's a look back….


There comes a point in life when priorities change and those things that mattered, don't, and those things that didn't, do. It's different for everyone and can happen over time or change in the blink of an eye. I don't know exactly when the change happened for me, but one day I realized that I was ready for the next stage of life…..to start a family. Now, just because I was ready didn't mean my husband was. Therefore, patience is still key. I was on the pill and even had ppl tell me I should just go off and not say anything, but that didn't sit right in my heart. I couldn't do that to Hayden. It felt like it would be deceptive. So instead I took it one month at a time, approaching the subject before getting my next pack. I wanted Hayden to feel ready as well, and not just me. After all, it does take two to make and raise a baby!

We were getting ready for our trip to Hawaii and a few days beforehand I asked Hayden If I should get another pack or if I can go off the pill now. It was out of the blue that I asked and I think I caught him a bit off guard. But we were leaving in 3 days and I was heading to Costco that day and figured if I needed to, I would pick up another pack. He was silent for a while and then he spoke the words that caused my heart to race, "I think it's ok if you go off the pill." WHAT??? YES!!!! I had to ask him afterwards if he was completely sure, and he was. So off we went on vacation, not knowing what would happen now that we were playing with fire, so to speak. I didn't know how my body would react and if it would take me months to get pregnant or if it would happen right away. That's all part of the risk when you take away your only defence, and we weren't going to use other methods to hinder our chances. We weren't "trying" to get pregnant, we were just living life without a safety net, so to speak. I would have been happy to come home from Hawaii pregnant. I had this romantic idea of how splendid it would be, as we were engaged in Hawaii, to conceive our first child there. Well, this idea didn't pan out as my period came as soon as we got home. I was a little disappointed, but it was ok. I wanted to enjoy this stage of life still and not worry about what's to come just yet.

So the month continued on. It wasn't too much later that I started to get really bad bloating and cramps, unlike anything I've ever felt before. It was out of the ordinary and the first thought to pop into my head was "is this a symptom?". I asked a girlfriend who assured me it couldn't possibly be, as it was way too early for any symptoms to occur. So, I took that as I must have ate something that just didn't agree with me. Well, that soon led to me feeling nauseated…..day after day…..after day. Then my hopes started rising but I was still keeping silent on my thoughts. Then, one night I told Hayden, "I think I might be pregnant" and then held my breath for his response. He looked at me and say "oh yeah?" There was nothing for it but to do a test a couple days later, so I did. I could barely sleep the night before knowing that the next day could change my life forever.

I arose extra early and went to take the test. After it was over I crawled back into bed and looked at Hayden and said "Guess what?" and he said "What?" to which I replied…."You're going to be a daddy!!!"

it's a little blurry, but you can see the + :)

He smiled and said "Congratulations mommy." So, not even a month after going off the pill I was pregnant :)

The surrealness of this situation still hasn't hit most days. To think there's a living being that is forming in my womb is almost too amazing to comprehend. You always think about the day you'll be pregnant, but it's sure strange when it finally happens. The sense of nausea has not left me since that day. I feel nauseated almost all day from morning till night, but I feel, if this is the worst of morning sickness, I can deal with it. Fingers crossed. But I'm not that far along yet, so it could get worse.

I haven't had any cravings, but I'm definitely more moody now and more tired as well. I'm easily brought to tears and am agitated more easily as well. I'm doing my best to control the moods as they come, but sometimes that's easier said then done :P Being pregnant is like having PMS…on steroids. Plus, the upset stomach and constant tiredness doesn't help either haha.

So, that's the news for now. I'm six weeks along and looking forward to sharing my journey with you. Stay tuned!